catherineketq: Kids Making Money

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In truth, to history
by Raven

I think you're spot on
by E Pluribus Unum

Never claimed it is
by Raven

Another reason to like Sarah Palin
by JSobieski

Buggery
by zornorph

Unbelievably belieavable...
by conservativecurmudgeon

Liberal
by zornorph

I did not know that they had a table at CPAC--ouch
by JSobieski

LePage has publically supported Snowe for 2012
by captkirc

Liberals Are Very Bad People
by izoneguy

I thought the vote on the Dream act was on Cloture...did I miss something? nt
by AceInTX

Look...she made the pledge...and she signed her name to it...
by AceInTX

Wow
by smitch61

pilgrim- How about he run for Senate againt Snowe in 2012?
by Scope

ummm....yup!!!
by AceInTX

Ron Paul will not rest until the US economy mirrors that of Commie China, with government bureaucrats and functionaries making monetary policy rather than bankers and economists. -nt
by Read Chesterton

You know sheen really thought he could be president too. nt
by Common_Cents

You know sheen really thought he could be president too. nt
by Common_Cents

Maybe in 2014 LePage will run for Senate. nt
by pilgrim

You have a point on Snowe....but Collins has b een in negotiation with Dems on every bad idea that's come down the pike
by AceInTX

Is she that thick?
by Menlo

I am staying in the Shenandoah Valley tonight
by Jack_Savage

Amazing how the Paultarians have come out
by Scope

After Announcing That They Won't Vote For It, I Don't See How They Can Turn Around And Vote For It
by IJB

So The Next Step Is
by wonkish1

I Think These Are The Reasons
by wonkish1

Ron Paul is not a Libertarian
by Scope

Not all liberals created equal
by lexington_concord

You Understate Things
by IJB

Can we please stop referring to Susan Collins, Olympia Snowe and a few others as moderates already?
by AceInTX

I'm almost embarrassed to admit this but Collins
by throwback59

You would certainly be welcome to do that
by Scope

Shame on you Sorkin
by pamela1631

Buyer's Remorse
by writestuffla

Sadly, there are tens of thousands of such heartbreaking stories...
by conservativecurmudgeon

We're not put in a tight spot
by lexington_concord

How much did diplomatic measures
by Scope

5 (nt)
by Neil Stevens

Not so fast Congessman Roe
by wattchildress

Thank you SO MUCH for the nice comment..
by conservativecurmudgeon

Moving on after divorce doesn't happen in neatly defined stages. It's an imperceptible process that happens while you're doing other things. It's halting--two steps forward one step back--one day you think you've moved on and then you regress--over and over again. The most important thing to remember is to keep forgiving yourself at each stage. If you regress and do dumb things, like sleeping with your ex (it happens) badmouthing him to the kids or making a scene at a family event, pick yourself up, brush yourself off and start all over again. Remember to tell yourself it's ok, you've been through hell and you deserve to screw up-- once, twice or a zillion times --until you're ready to stop screwing up.

One day you look up and realize you haven't thought about your ex or your marriage for a whole hour, then a whole day, a whole week, and so on. You get involved with other things; you catch yourself thinking about the project you're working on, or the guy you're involved with, what to invest your money in, how to help a friend, how your kids or grandkids are doing, redecorating your living room, buying a new house, a trip you've always wanted to take. Life, in all its complexity, just takes over. Your marriage recedes into the past, seeming almost as though it happened to someone else. You realize that you're doing things you never would have done when you were married and you congratulate yourself. The pain gets smaller and smaller, taking up less room in your consciousness.

This doesn't mean you will never again feel the pain and rage you initially felt. Triggers will come up and you'll be right back there. In a divorce support group I went to immediately after my husband left, when I was totally consumed with my own anguish and desperate for some relief, I was horrified while listening to a woman who had been divorced twenty years ago. She talked about all the old, bad post-divorce feelings coming up recently because her ex- husband had died. However, when I expressed my dismay that she still had those feelings, she reassured me that she had long ago moved on, it was just that her husband's death had brought up a lot of unfinished business and bad memories that she needed to process. I was greatly relieved but still uneasy. I couldn't imagine then how you could actually move on and be back at square one twenty years later at the same time. Now I understand since I'm in both places regularly. It's like grief for a loved one. You mourn, you move on, but when something reminds you of that person a pang of grief still grips your heart.

Abigail Trafford, author of Crazy Time says that after a long marriage it takes at least five years to truly move on. She's right on the money. It's been more than five years for me and I think I've moved on as much as possible considering that I have to interact regularly with my ex on co-parenting issues. I expect that when my daughter gets older it will get easier still. Most of the time my mind is on other things--my writing, my friends, my house, my health, my finances or lack thereof (don't get me started on that subject) not him. Every once in a while though, when he does something to really piss me off, I'm right back in that place where I feel helpless, hopeless and homicidal. Thank goodness we have finally reached a truce of sorts, where we avoid email flame wars and communicate mainly through my daughter's therapist.

You may also sink into feelings from the past when you run into him at those unavoidable family functions such as weddings, graduations etc--especially if he's with a woman twenty years his junior--but those feelings will pass quickly. When I listen to the excruciating pain of recent divorcees, I realize how far I've come. I totally empathize, but am so grateful not to be there anymore.

Erica Manfred is the author of He's History You're Not: Surviving Divorce After Forty.

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Thursday, December 9, 2010

Kids Making Money

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